I know I haven't blogged for a long time and I'm sorry that this post isn't "frugal" related, but I needed a spot to put down some thoughts.
I recently started a part time job. The ironic thing is that even though I love being Omma (toughest job I'll ever love) I somehow feel like "oh good, now I'm "doing" something." As if being Omma wasn't enough. Mostly this part time job gives me a break, and yes I do feel guilty about that. We're supposed to be perfect all the time right? Have all the right answers, patience beyond measure, reveling in the messes our littles make, etc. But I'm human and I sometimes am sleep deprived, impatient, and cringe at the thought of glitter going everywhere.
And I get jealous. Jealous over the children and Omma's that can do things like go to Sunday School without their child organizing the push pins in the pin-up board and then fall apart when someone tries to stop them, because they just can't listen to the lesson with other distractions present. Because they notice every.thing. Jealous that a child half the age of mine can do things like put on a shirt, catch a ball, or say "I love you" instead of "Happy Birthday" to show their affection.
And then I have to realize that perhaps I need to cut myself some slack and accept the fact that life looks different for us. That when I do get something fun organized like a craft, it might have to stop before we finish because it's caused a sensory overload. That my day might only consist of managing meltdowns instead of doing dishes, supper, bills, or playing with my other children. (And that I might need a loving break every now and then because I'm exhausted and emotionally tapped out.) That we have been uniquely blessed with the challenge of helping a uniquely made child reach their full potential. And that other things that I used to think were important or a measure of an Omma aren't realistic.
I'm not complaining about my children. I love them to pieces. But sometimes life as Omma is just tough.